Category: Commentary

Visit to the vet or alien abduction?

Imagine a visit to the vet from your cat’s point of view …

You’re minding your own business, napping or perhaps playing with your catnip mouse. Suddenly, you’re picked up and thrust into a dark, tiny box. There’s barely enough room to turn around, perhaps a bit of light streams in. You feel yourself moving vertically, then horizontally. Suddenly, there’s a loud roaring sound; you feel the affects of acceleration, then nothing, then deceleration. The sound ceases and you feel yourself moving again.

Without warning the box is opened. You find yourself in a bright antiseptic room, full of strange smells unlike anything on earth. You can hear the tortured cries of other animals, but you can’t see them. A strange humanoid pokes you and prods you, injecting you with fluids that sting and burn. Then comes the final indignity – the anal probe.

It’s over, but not soon enough, as you’re once again thrust into the box. You experience the same sensations of movement, acceleration and decelaration. Then the box opens and you’re back in your own home. The worst part of the whole thing is knowing your mommy and daddy are in full cooperation with the aliens! They go about their business as if nothing had happened, trying to deny their unmmistakable complicity.

So, the next time you hear someone talk about being abducted by aliens, consider this: they were probably just taken to the vet.

© 2001-2006, originally published May 20, 2001