October 13.
Test day has come and gone at last. Sad to say, I did not get promoted to black belt , though many other people, of whom I am very proud, were promoted in rank.
I’m a little disappointed, if only because I put myself through so much anxiety prior to the test. It would have been nice to feel the stress was worth something. But what is stress really worth? Better to manage the anxiety in a healthy way rather than expect some kind of reward.
Truthfully, I would have been surprised if I had been promoted. I brought a lot of anxiety with me on the floor. I wasn’t energetically present for the first few hours. I was just forcing myself to do the test. That’s not black belt quality.
On the positive side, it’s a valuable learning experience. I can do this test. I just have some things that need to be improved and this test highlighted those.
I was worried that I had let down my sifus. Sifu said, no, he’s not disappointed in me. For one thing, he said my forms looked really good. And when I just let myself do stuff instead of forcing myself, it was right on.
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