I usually don’t train on Sundays, but this morning I went to the school where we’re doing the test to train with some of the guys there. I did not want to go. I really did not want to go. But I wanted a refresher of what it’s like to work out with the guys.
We practiced continuous multi-person attacks for ten minutes at a time. Usually I feel better once I’m fighting, but not this morning. Even as I was moving from one attacker to another, evading and blocking, striking and kicking, I wasn’t feeling at all confident. I was dreading picking up the speed and intensity.
Before it got to that point, I bowed off the floor and came home. I took a hot bath. I laid on the bed and cried. I so do not want to do this test. Not now, not ever. I just don’t feel ready.
After awhile I called my buddy Jason. He reminded me that today was not my day to test. That kind of training may not have been what I needed to do today. He suggested maybe I should be relaxing, instead. Don’t think about martial arts. Read a book instead.
I feel much better now. I remind myself that the test is not all continuous fighting, it’s not all fast speed. I just have to be the best me I can be.