Right on schedule.

Posted Thu Sep 13, 2007, 11:12 AM by Tracy

I had a really crappy training yesterday. I was on the verge of tears nearly the whole time. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. My confront was out the window and my control was somewhere in the next county. I just hope Laura’s ear feels better by now, after I elbowed her in the side of the head.

After class I had a good long ♥2♥ with Sifu. I knew I was a mess. It’s the nerves. It’s more than nerves. It’s fear and doubt and uncertainty and am I good enough to be a black belt.

Sifu said anywhere from two to six weeks before a black belt test, doubts arise. Everyone’s gone through it. Plus I’ve just had a significant emotional trauma that has opened up the floodgates of emotion.

It needs to be worked through. It can’t be suppressed, but I shouldn’t wallow in it, either. My biggest challenge is my head, my mental state. Better to work that out now than right before, or worse, during a test.

I’d feel a lot better if I had a crystal ball that could tell me whether I pass or not. If I knew ahead of time I was going to pass, I could just do the test. I would still do my best, but I wouldn’t have the uncertainty of outcome hanging over me.

Sifu told me what I need to do in the next few weeks: visualize the test. Visualize positive outcomes. If negative thoughts come up, just back up and rerun the visualization, replacing the negative with the positive.

Everyone tells me I can do this. I’m just not feeling it right now.


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About Mo Duk Pai

Mo Duk Pai kung fu is a modern American eclectic system of martial arts, combining hard- and soft-style techniques Mo Duk Pai, which translates to “Martial Ethical Way”, was founded by Professor Frederick D. King. For more information, to see photos or inquire about training, visit the Mo Duk Pai web site, which I also maintain. I have been training since 1996 and currently hold the rank of brown-black sash.


Sifu (pr. see-foo [Cantonese] or shur-foo [Mandarin]) is a Chinese term for Teacher. It also carries the connotation of Father (teacher-father), referring to a tradition of teaching martial arts within the family, as well as being a title of respect. In America the title sifu is given to both men and women. In Mo Duk Pai the title is awarded to 2nd degree black belts at their teacher’s discretion.


Qigong (pr. chee-gung) is the practice of Chinese exercises incorporating movement and posture, breathing and visualization. Qigong exercises focus on maintaining health by energizing and balancing one’s qi, or energy.