It's not kung fu if I don't get gimped up.
Due to a wicked work schedule, I’ve been out of training for several weeks. I was able to get to a Saturday sparring class at our sister school only just this week. Wouldn’t you know it, I manage to get myself gimped up.
I was having myself a great time sparring with an underbelt when I executed a left spinning hook kick. Which he blocked. With his knee. In my calf. Hard.
Instant Charlie-horse. I immediately rubbed it out as best I could. I tried putting my weight on my left leg until I felt I could move at least a little. Which is to say, not much.
Back to the sparring and I mostly just stood there, defending myself and looking for my partner’s vulnerabilities when he committed.
I iced up my calf as soon as I got home. Driving was no fun. Shifting was a bitch. I downed a couple ibuprofen, the martial artist’s best friend. I also downed a couple vodkas, the martial artist’s other best friend.
Now my left calf is like a little grapefruit and I am gimping around with a cane.
Gawd, it’s good to be back.
14 days without training is too weak.
That’s not exactly true. I have been joining in our Saturday open training sessions and going to sparring class at our sister school afterward. But I can’t remember the last time I went to regular weekday class.
My work schedule has me either staying late or bringing the lap top home to work. Some day it’ll let up, but not in the foreseeable future.
Fortunately for me, Sifu understands. Even if you can’t train as often as desired, it’s important to keep training as you can, rather than just give up.
We’ve talked about when I can next test for black belt. I wanted to go to our spring training camp in May as a black belt. I’m tired of cleaning out cabins and the training/dining hall as an underbelt. But given my sparse training regimen lately, I may have to take up the broom for another year.
Mind the gap.
The other night we worked on being direct with our techniques, letting one technique flow right after another. Specifically we were working street drills, but it could also apply to firing combinations in a sparring situation.
Throw a technique, then follow with whatever weapon (foot, hand, elbow, knee, etc.) is closest to a target (shin, ankle, groin, floating rib, temple, throat, nose, etc.). Then another, then another. The aim is to close up the gap between techniques.
Because what a lot of people do, including me, according to Sifu, is throw a technique and wait to see, did it work? Whew! I’m safe. Now I can throw another technique. That’s a significant time lag. What is my opponent doing during that time? Clocking me if they have any sense.
This is something Sifu has brought to my attention in the past. It’s not about speeding up, it’s about flowing smoothly and directly from one technique to another. By closing up the gap, you achieve the effect of speed without actually going faster.
Not promoting is not a failure.
Following my (first) black belt test, I wrote this article for the Mo Duk Pai website . I’ve gotten good response from other students. I’m planning to also write an article for the PAWMA newsletter. After I get my black belt essay finished.
One fine Saturday in October 2007, five brown-black sashes lined up to test for their black belts, perhaps one of the largest groups to test for black belt together. Along with the people testing for brown-black, we were, on average, probably the oldest group of testers in Mo Duk Pai history. We jokingly referred to ourselves as “Team Geritol.”
At the end of the day, only three people were promoted to the rank of first degree black belt; two of us went home, still wearing our brown-black sashes.
Was I disappointed? Yes. I trained long and hard for this test and it meant a lot to me. Was I surprised that I didn’t promote? No. I recognize that I did not demonstrate that I was up to the level of a black belt. As I said when asked about my martial code, my first duty is to be honest to myself.
Does this mean I failed? Not at all. Not promoting is not a failure. Rather, it’s an opportunity for growth that you just don’t get otherwise. In fact, not passing the black belt test may very well turn out to be the best thing that could have happened to my martial training.
Like a stress test on a steel girder, a black belt test pinpoints strengths and weaknesses. My own test showed with crystal clarity those areas in which I excelled and those that aren’t yet up to the standards of a Mo Duk Pai black belt. For myself, I know that I didn’t achieve my personal goal of staying calm and in control of myself throughout the test. At the same time, I do have to keep in mind that I did do parts of the test very well.
Not being promoted is a humbling experience. It has made me philosophical about my training, and a little more reflective as I confront the truths about myself that were revealed that day. It showed how much work I have in front of me to reach the level of black belt.
It’s important to remember that the standard for black belt in Mo Duk Pai is very high. Our tests are more rigorous and demanding than most other systems. Not everyone passes the black belt test on their first attempt.
My next step will be to take what I’ve learned from the test and work with my sifu, focusing on those areas where I need to improve. I will be testing again, despite any previous declarations that I wouldn’t.
To quote Vince Lombardi: “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.”
October 13.
Test day has come and gone at last. Sad to say, I did not get promoted to black belt , though many other people, of whom I am very proud, were promoted in rank.
I’m a little disappointed, if only because I put myself through so much anxiety prior to the test. It would have been nice to feel the stress was worth something. But what is stress really worth? Better to manage the anxiety in a healthy way rather than expect some kind of reward.
Truthfully, I would have been surprised if I had been promoted. I brought a lot of anxiety with me on the floor. I wasn’t energetically present for the first few hours. I was just forcing myself to do the test. That’s not black belt quality.
On the positive side, it’s a valuable learning experience. I can do this test. I just have some things that need to be improved and this test highlighted those.
I was worried that I had let down my sifus. Sifu said, no, he’s not disappointed in me. For one thing, he said my forms looked really good. And when I just let myself do stuff instead of forcing myself, it was right on.
What is hopefully my last pre-test freakout.
I usually don’t train on Sundays, but this morning I went to the school where we’re doing the test to train with some of the guys there. I did not want to go. I really did not want to go. But I wanted a refresher of what it’s like to work out with the guys.
We practiced continuous multi-person attacks for ten minutes at a time. Usually I feel better once I’m fighting, but not this morning. Even as I was moving from one attacker to another, evading and blocking, striking and kicking, I wasn’t feeling at all confident. I was dreading picking up the speed and intensity.
Before it got to that point, I bowed off the floor and came home. I took a hot bath. I laid on the bed and cried. I so do not want to do this test. Not now, not ever. I just don’t feel ready.
After awhile I called my buddy Jason. He reminded me that today was not my day to test. That kind of training may not have been what I needed to do today. He suggested maybe I should be relaxing, instead. Don’t think about martial arts. Read a book instead.
I feel much better now. I remind myself that the test is not all continuous fighting, it’s not all fast speed. I just have to be the best me I can be.
Testing's not so bad.
At least they don’t make us do this.
High anxiety.
As long as I’m doing something physical, sparring or forms, practicing basics or just riding my bike, I’m fine. When I’m not, I have panic attacks.
It’s completely irrational. I know I can do the black belt test. Yeah it’s demanding, yeah parts of it will suck, but parts of it will be fun, too. I’ll get to show off what I can do. I’m feeling pretty good about my cardio-vascular, thanks to bike commuting.
I’m really hoping this anxiety thing passes. I’m counting on it being temporary. E reminds me that once I start the test I’ll be fine.
It’s just that right now I don’t have confidence in myself that I will pass the test.
I should count myself lucky. Other people going up for testing are having problems with backs, knees, hips, ankles, and necks. All I’ve got are mental problems.
Right on schedule.
I had a really crappy training yesterday. I was on the verge of tears nearly the whole time. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. My confront was out the window and my control was somewhere in the next county. I just hope Laura’s ear feels better by now, after I elbowed her in the side of the head.
After class I had a good long ♥2♥ with Sifu. I knew I was a mess. It’s the nerves. It’s more than nerves. It’s fear and doubt and uncertainty and am I good enough to be a black belt.
Sifu said anywhere from two to six weeks before a black belt test, doubts arise. Everyone’s gone through it. Plus I’ve just had a significant emotional trauma that has opened up the floodgates of emotion.
It needs to be worked through. It can’t be suppressed, but I shouldn’t wallow in it, either. My biggest challenge is my head, my mental state. Better to work that out now than right before, or worse, during a test.
I’d feel a lot better if I had a crystal ball that could tell me whether I pass or not. If I knew ahead of time I was going to pass, I could just do the test. I would still do my best, but I wouldn’t have the uncertainty of outcome hanging over me.
Sifu told me what I need to do in the next few weeks: visualize the test. Visualize positive outcomes. If negative thoughts come up, just back up and rerun the visualization, replacing the negative with the positive.
Everyone tells me I can do this. I’m just not feeling it right now.
Sleepless in Portland.
I had another one of those nights where the only way I knew I slept was I dreamt. Our black belt test is mere weeks away and I am whipping myself into a tizzy.
The last couple weeks my training, both in class and out, have been disrupted with my mother’s death and the arrangements for her memorial service. Now I have nothing to distract me.
I feel pretty good about my street fighting and forms. Even sparring is okay. I’m ready to answer any probing personal questions. I need to work on my forms breakdowns and fighting principles. Bike commuting has done great things for my physcial stamina.
The thing that has me worried most is the stances.
I can hold a horse stance, it’s not pleasant, but I can do it.
The “toilet bowl” is a stress position that I believe has been banned under the Geneva Convention.
Japanese sitting position (kneeling) seems like it would be easiest of all, but not for me. My right ankle, the one I crushed several months ago, still does not bend all the way forward. If I lean back into a proper Japanese sitting position, I put pressure on the bones of the tops of my feet. If I lean forward I put pressure on my knees. In any position, it compresses my legs.
I just have to keep reminding myself what Laura says: trust the training.