Ally, May 1989 – Jun 2 2007.
It is over.
We made the hard decision and took Ally in to the vet today to be put down. I hate the euphemism “put to sleep” but I can’t bring myself to say “killed.” But admit it, that’s what it is.
Ally’s last day was a good day. She slept a lot. E petted her. She went outside and enjoyed the sun. I fed her bits of ham and cheese, but not so much that she would puke. I held her and cried.
This morning was the same. Ally ate a little baby food, drank a little water. I held her and cried. She went outside and basked in the sun. I fed her more bits of ham. She loved cured meats.
When we pulled up to the veterinary at 10am, E stayed in the car with Ally while I went up to the office. I couldn’t talk. I had to write out why I was there on a piece of paper.
As we waited in the examining room I held Ally some more and cried some more. E teared up. Finally the vet came in to give her the necessary injection. Ally went so fast. We put her in the traditional kitty coffin, a shoebox lined wtih rags, and drove home. She is buried in the backyard, next to her sister.
Once she passed I was much better. I still second guess myself, but E assures me it was the right decision. She was 18 years old and had taken such a downturn in recent weeks. Anything we did to prolong her life would only put off the inevitable. It could not be avoided. Why wait until she was miserable?
I feel a little guilty that I didn’t cry so much for Mose when she died a year ago February. It occurs to me that together they were Mose and Ally. Mose was gone, but as long as I had Ally, I still had “Mose and Ally.” Now they are both gone and Mose and Ally are no more.
It all puts me in mind of my own mortality. In martial arts we like to say, “today is a good day to die.” If you live a good life, any day is a good day to die. Providing I am conscious and in full possession of my faculties, however, I think my overwhelming emotion will be one of sadness. As good a life as it will have been, as ready as I may be for it to be finished, I will be sad to see it all come to an end.