Fait accompli.

Posted Mon Dec 18, 2006, 13:24 PM by Tracy | |

Mom is moving.

The other day she announced to us she is moving into an Adult Care home. In our area, these places are typically run by White Russians. The people, not the drink.

It’s an appropriate level of care for her. Mom no longer needs the higher level of care provided by the rehab facility where she’s lived for the past two years (except for the bare month she prematurely moved into assisted living).

I know nothing about this place. Mom found it on her own (though I think she probably had help from my brother.)

I have two concerns: 1) they manage her meds, including ordering from the pharmacy, and 2) she will continue to get regular exercise. I believe that left to her own devices she will stay in bed all day.

The one thing that I find amusing is this is the first we’ve heard about it. Mom made no previous mention of her desires or intentions. She just sprung this on us, a fait accompli. I’m sure she’s pleased with herself, thinking she got one by me. Oh yes, she showed me, you bet.

Last time she talked about moving we put the kibosh on it. She had arranged with a couple of workers at the rehab facility to move into an apartment with her and take care of her. That sounded pretty sketchy to us. All we had to do was mention the situation, without naming names, to the management of the facility, and no more was heard about that.

Mom probably still thinks I want to control her. She simply cannot acknowledge that there was a time when she was incapable of managing her own affairs and that I had to pay her bills and make decisions on her behalf. In her mind, any assistance in any amount means she is giving up her independence and autonomy.

I don’t want to control my mom. I do want to be sure she is safe and is getting an appropriate level of care for her continued health and recovery.

The more she actually does for herself, as opposed to just talking about it, the more confident I am in her abilities. If she were a person of normal temperment, I would offer help. But being who she is, she would just take that as attempt on my part to control her. So no help asked, no help offered, no help given.


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